he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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