I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my shit smells like andre
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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