Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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