sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
