Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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