i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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