Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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