your room smells of hookers.
And success
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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