So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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