so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
