If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
