Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
