We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
