Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
