Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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