How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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