Me. At least after what I've been through.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
