My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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