Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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