It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
