Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
