yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
