and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
