my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
