Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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