One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
