I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
