He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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