No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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