fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
