Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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