YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
