Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
