Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
