Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
