A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
