How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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