It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
