ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
