I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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