you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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