i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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