Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
