Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
