so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
