I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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