The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
