I got chris browned last night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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