This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
