My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
